DIVORCE MEDIATION SERVICES

Family issues are tough. Emotions. Practicality. Personal needs. The needs of your children. Immediate concerns. On-going relationships. How do you take care of all these things without going nuts?

And if you’re contemplating divorce, you already know how hard it is. Even if you and your spouse have a relatively cooperative relationship, it can be numbing when you put together the emotions, the heartache of your dreams falling apart, and the practicality of finding ways to move forward personally and financially.

“How much time will I have with my children?” “How will I find a balance between providing for my family and enjoying my kids?” “How will the children go to college?” “Will I survive financially?” The fears and apprehensions probably seem endless.

You have a choice in resolving these questions:

Litigation: You both pay for lawyers to speak for you so that a judge who knows hardly anything about you will decide your parenting and financial fates. Expensive, uncertain and adversarial. It is VERY unusual that someone gets along better with their spouse or ex-spouse better after a knock-down fight in court.

Mediation: A neutral mediator helps you have a conversation about the legal and financial questions that all divorcing couples must face. Even if you have a separate legal adviser, you both speak for yourself and you both pay a lot less. And the people who know the most about you and your children make all the decisions.

You also have choices in the qualifications of the mediator who helps you:

Lawyer or non-lawyer mediator: No mediator can give legal advice while mediating. But mediators can give legal information where it’s appropriate. While non-lawyer mediators can be trained in mediation, they are not trained in the law. The complexities of legal information often cause non-lawyer mediators to stay far away from providing the information. But you need the information to make informed decisions.

An important note about having your own lawyer during mediation: Lawyer mediators do not replace your own legal counsel who can give you specific legal advice and exclusively look after your legal interests. A number of participants in mediation will hire their own legal counsel. If you decide to mediate, be sure to ask your mediator about hiring your own counsel as well.

Financial Advisor...or not: Parenting decisions are very important. But so is making financially sound decisions. A mediator who is skilled in financial planning, especially as it relates to divorce issues, can actually save the two of you tax money and help you avoid a property and support plan that looks ok in the short term and is financially disastrous for one or both of you in the long run. Without that training, your mediator will likely suggest that you seek other professionals for anything related to your financial future.

Virginia Supreme Court certified...or not. In order to be certified by the Virginia Supreme Court to receive court-referred cases, successful completion of many hours of classes and co-mediations are required. To mediate private cases, Virginia Supreme Court certification is not required; anyone can hang out a shingle and call themselves a “mediator”. But knowing that your mediator has gone through the training to obtain the certification can add to your comfort and confidence in your mediator.

At Resolution Point, you don’t have to choose between mediators who are lawyers or not, certified or not, skilled in financial matters or not. Our mediator, Daniel R. Burk, is:

• A lawyer admitted to practice in Virginia (1981) and the District of Columbia (1984).
• A certified mediator, certified by the Supreme Court of Virginia to receive court referrals from the Virginia Juvenile & Domestic Relations, General District and Circuit Courts. He is also certified to mentor mediators-in-training.
• A Certified Divorce Financial Analyst™, awarded by the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts.
(There is no procedure in the Commonwealth of Virginia for approving certifying organizations so you’ll need to check on the organization yourself: www.institutedfa.com)

 How Divorce Mediation Services Work

Every mediation is different and every mediator’s approach is different. Here’s what generally happens at Resolution Point.

Orientation Session

The first time we meet, we will have an “Orientation Session” where we will talk about the mediation process in general and the specifics of how it usually takes place at Resolution Point. In this 30-90 minute meeting, we’ll talk about certain important characteristics of mediation:

• Mediation is confidential, with some important exceptions. In general though, you can count on what you say during mediation not being repeated in court if you can't reach agreement.
  
  
• Mediation is voluntary. Once underway, at any point in the process either participant can end the mediation and find alternatives to resolve some or all of the issues. We will usually test the reasons for the termination to be sure that the decision is well thought out, rather than a spontaneous response to a particularly difficult topic.
  
  
• The style of mediation we use at Resolution Point which includes both “facilitative” and “evaluative” (or “directive”) mediation.
  
  
• The differences between “legal information” and “legal advice.” Mediators can provide information about processes and laws, but they cannot provide advice on how the law would apply to the specifics of the participants’ circumstances. There is a fine line between these two and we’ll discuss the differences.
  
  
• Full disclosure is critical to the process. Mediation is not a way to avoid providing information to your spouse.
  
  
• Timing and costs of mediation.

• We will review an Agreement to Mediate and Ground Rules. Additional ground rules that you might need can be discussed.

If you decide to mediate with Resolution Point, we will provide you with a handbook full of background materials including Virginia statutes that may affect your mediation decisions. You’ll also receive financial forms and data sheets that will help you organize your financial records so that we can be as efficient as we can in our sessions.

Second Session

At the start of this session, we’ll talk about the range of topics we’ll need to examine during the mediation sessions. You’ll make some decisions about the order in which we will discuss the issues. We’ll examine your philosophies and preliminary thoughts about parenting and about how property might be shared.

We also explore any immediate issues that need some tentative resolutions while we’re working on longer term agreements.

With some effort on your part, much of the financial information will have been gathered and we’ll begin to tackle some of the more pressing financial issues and decisions.

And The Next Sessions

At each session, the mediator will take extensive and detailed notes that you’ll read on a large screen while they’re being created. You’ll be actively involved in making sure that what you’ve said (and what everyone else has said) is captured accurately and completely. Remember that the mediation is confidential (with exceptions), but the notes will help everyone keep track of where things are while the mediation is taking place.

Decisions will get made at your speed. But they are also don’t count until there’s a signed agreement. That way we can make progress without your worrying that something that you decide now won’t make sense as other decisions are made later. Nothing’s final until everything’s final (unless there’s a interim written agreement).

As decisions are made, we’ll be using sophisticated software that will show the impact of these decisions on your short term and long term financial health. And you’ll see the results of the computer analyses on the screen as the decisions get made.

Are you having conversations with members of your family that feel more like you're talking to yourself? Does any of this sound familiar:

• You can't afford to live in your house anymore. One of your kids has a big house with extra space, but it was 50 years ago that you last lived with your kids, and then it was your house. Will they let you move in? How will the finances work? How will everyone be sure they'll have the "space" they've gotten used to? How will your other kids feel about you living with one of their siblings?
  
  
• Your elder parent shouldn't drive anymore. How do you take the keys away without taking away your parent's independence and dignity?
  
  
• Your 22-year old stepson is still living at home, has a job (thank goodness!), but not sharing the expenses. How can you teach responsibility and have some of the costs shared without straining your relationship with your spouse and with your stepson?
  
  
• Your daughter keeps taking the car and returning it with the tank almost empty. It seems like she's driving just long enough to use up almost all the gas, but not enough so that she ever has to refill the tank.
  

Relationships are tough! Finances are tough! Finding peace can be tough! And these are all relationships that will last forever. Divorce isn't even an option.

Consider mediation. In a safe setting, you can express your concerns, hear the concerns of your loved ones, and explore alternatives while preserving your cherished relationships.

The mediation process works best when all participants and the mediator are in the same room. But sometimes that can't happen.

Sometimes one party (or both) are out of town temporarily or permanently. Mediation is still better than the alternatives!

Sometimes one party has problems being in the same room as another party...although hopefully this is temporary.

Sometimes one or both parties would like their attorneys to observe what's going on but scheduling won't allow the attorneys to be physically at the session.

When you mediate at Resolution Point, throughout you are looking at:

• Notes of agreements made during the sessions.
• Agreement language for your consideration.
• Charts and graphs showing the short- and long-term financial affects of possible strategies.

If all participants are not in one place, we use the Internet and a couple of different computer programs to allow you to watch everything on your computer screen that you would have seen had you been in the same room!

Just because you're far apart doesn't mean you can't reach agreements!

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